How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
