I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
