i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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