who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
