I think my vagina is haunted
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
