If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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