Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I cockslap morals
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
