Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
