i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
