I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
