Your tits are I can't wait for
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Dear god my vagina.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
