Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
