dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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