based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
