Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
