Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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