I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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