Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
