Just fell off a train. Bad.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
