Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
