Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
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His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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