hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
