how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
