There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
