You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
