All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
We got so high we made milksteak
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
