I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
