True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.