i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
25 Hilarious ‘Sex Clubs’ You Should Try To Join
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then