i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
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theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
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Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends