i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...