I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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