called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
