i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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