I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
