Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So many bounce houses so little time
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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