in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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