How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
