he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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