im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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