My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
