also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
