Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
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Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
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Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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