First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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