Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
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