if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You're breaking my sexual little heart
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
