you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
