My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
