I cannot find my penis.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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