Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
