Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
