I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
