Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"