need another drink. this is the easiest way
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Dating After Heartbreak
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.