I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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