It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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