she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So many bounce houses so little time
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
