the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
