I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
