My brain says no but my pants say off.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
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Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
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It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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