Umm I'm too high to move.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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