Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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