I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
