Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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