She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
So many bounce houses so little time
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
