I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
