For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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