my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
